Hold Out Your Heart

"No!" I don't want to let them in,

With all their baggage and their sin.

With their faith in a theory, an idea,

They come to get, only to get!

They seem to love, but it's only for their own benefit.

They pretend to care, so I hold out my heart,

Only to be left alone, so alone!

"No!" I don't want to let them in.

I want to protect this already bruised heart,

I should'nt have let them in from the start!

Then I see a man walking down a road,

Surrounded by a crowd, yet alone, so alone!

He is beaten, and he is broken,

Yet He holds out His heart and cries,"Will you take it?"

I want to shout, "Let it all go! The pain isn't worth it!"

The Man beaten and broken looks up at me,

His eyes filled with sorrow,

But also a love, such great love!

I gasp, as realization sinks in.

This is Jesus, Messiah, Savior of my soul!

"The pain is worth it,"

He said looking straight to my soul,

"Because they are worth it."

"I bore the cross if shame and rejection;

I shed my blood... because YOU were worth it.

Hold out your heart, it hurts, I know,

To be rejected, to be left alone.

But how else will they know?"

" How else will they know what?"

I ask so painfully aware of my state.

So selfish! I don't want to let them in!"

"How else will they know you are my disciple

If you don't hold out your heart no matter the cost?

So hold out your heart."

The Feeding Program

Each day is basically the same as I take the same, long walk towards a place that has begun to hold a very dear place in my heart. The first day that I took this long walk I asked a question. A question I later came to find out was not an uncommon one for visitors: Are we there yet? It's not that this place is extremely far, but with the sun, which can sometimes feel like it's multiplied into four, beating on your back, and the sand under your feet, making it difficult to walk, it might as well be the end of the earth! :-) But that first day when I reached this place, sweating profusely and out of breath, my breathing stopped altogether. Not necessarily because of the view, which was very gorgeous, with palm trees and bushes surrounding the property and sand dunes in the near distance. That's not why my breath caught that day, though. It was the sight of 70 kids coming up to us shyly putting one hand over the other and setting them before us to "chum". Someone exlpained to me that I was supposed to place my hand over both of theirs. I did so, and then knew my heart was gone, when they one by one lifted my hand to their lips to kiss it. Every day I would walk that long walk, teach the kids the same thing, and feed them the same uji. Sometimes I would get there feeling so tired from the long walk, only to hear "MADAAM!!!" as soon as the kids saw me walking up the path. How can you continue to feel tired when you see a bunch of kids running to see who will be the first to greet you and carry your bag the whole 3 remaining meters of the journey??

I used to suffer from a heart condition called hardness. The symtons are lack of love and compassion for others. But how could my heart stay hard when looking into the big brown eyes of children who don't know the great and amazing love of Jesus? How could I remain compassionless when hearing my 10 year old student, with hardness in her eyes, tell me how she had been assaulted by a teenage boy? How could my heart remain unmoved and unbroken knowing all this and not being able to share my Savior's love with them? You see.... these beautiful children were born into a Muslim community, where the name of Allah is praised, and the Name of Jesus despised. How could my heart not be compelled to find a way, whether through simply loving them, or through my continuous prayers, to reach out to them?

This place, yes it's far, and you must sacrifice sleep and energy to get there. But sometimes while walking there, I think of how far Jesus had to come to save us. How many sacrifices He made to free us. And suddenly this place doesn't seem so far, nor the sacrifices too many.

Sadly, my time at this place is drawing to a close. And as the day I am to depart draws close, my heart tears a little more. Every face flashes before me, and I know I'll never forget one. Because each face represents a heart that I pray I've changed, and I know has changed mine.