So what's it gona be?

So what's it gona to be?
It can't be both you'll soon see.
My heart is not alive in any way,
because of all the little things I do and say.
I'm here, but I'm so not here,
in all the ways that matter I fear.
It's like standing at a door,
hearing the sound of the desperate and poor,
right on the other side,
but all I want to do is hide.
It's the call of responsibility.
So what's it gona to be?
It can't be both you'll soon see.
No way I can serve my flesh,
and God both. The two don't mesh.
Can you really change this heart?
I think you can, and know in part,
It's up to me.
So what's it gona to be?

Just When I Thought......

Hands help up, but heart hanging low.

Can't figure which is reality, which is show.

Cuz I'm moving, but my heart isn't changing,

And I'm looking but my eyes aren't seeing,

Breathing, but I'm not living.

It's hard so very hard to not look back,

and compare what used to be with this shack,

What happened to the girl with a heart,

a passion, with dreams?

It's gone all gone....or so it seems.

Then I looked up, and You were there... just there,

Couldn't speak, but looking in Your eyes filled with care,

I saw, something out of the ordinary,

Something so incredibly extraordinary,

A new beginning, a clean slate, whatever you want to say,

And suddenly, everything was wiped away.

Right when I had thought there was no hope,

Just when I had started to grope,

And thought the colors of the world really were gray,

You stepped in and made it all okay.

But "Oh, my life!", I cried with such remorse,

"Just when I reach out and make You my source,

Fear fills my heart, things block my view,

Until my mind doesn't know false from true.

I'm afraid, so afraid...could I really be new?

One more look right into His eyes,

He draws me right up to His side.

And tells me to look down on my life,

"Down at your wonderful life" he said,

But all I could see, was a huge tree,

I mean.... I couldn't even see ME!

I was at a loss,

Until he said three words,

"It's the cross."