So what's it gona be?

So what's it gona to be?
It can't be both you'll soon see.
My heart is not alive in any way,
because of all the little things I do and say.
I'm here, but I'm so not here,
in all the ways that matter I fear.
It's like standing at a door,
hearing the sound of the desperate and poor,
right on the other side,
but all I want to do is hide.
It's the call of responsibility.
So what's it gona to be?
It can't be both you'll soon see.
No way I can serve my flesh,
and God both. The two don't mesh.
Can you really change this heart?
I think you can, and know in part,
It's up to me.
So what's it gona to be?