When My Back is to the Light

There's pounding in my ears, like... thud thud thud.
The sound of my feet slipping through the mud,
And rain drops hitting the ground like so many beats.
There's the wind howling like a dog,
It's hard to see for all the mist and fog.
Away, away from everything I run.
No looking back, I must run.
But now the sun starts to fade, dimmer dimmer.
My chances of finding my way back are slimmer.
Because in the darkness I can't see the road.
And my legs are weakening under my load.
But gritting my teeth, and taking a breath,
Reminding myself, I'm in control, even to my death,
Away, away from everything I run.
No looking back, I must run.
Run away from the light that so easily consumes me.
Run away from forgiveness that will set me free.
Run away from love that will always satisfy me.
I run into darkness, hiding from the light?
I run into bitterness, refusing forgiveness?
I run from love, from His love that never fails me?
And as I run, it hits me, knocking the breath out of me!
Like a kaleidescope, I was all turned around.
Since when did fighting for my ambitions,
And standing for all my silly traditions,
Take the place of what I set out to do?
The very thing I want to do, is the very thing I can't.
And the very thing I do not want to do, is the thing I do.
I set out to run for Him,
And find I'm running from Him.
I set out to change the world,
And find the world has changed me.
I run towards the light,
Only to find my back is against it.
But even as the sun goes down, so it rises.
And even when I chase the sunset,
His mercies come with the blessed dawn.